Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
