In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize