No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
