good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
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