you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
