I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
