Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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