have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
