The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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