What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
