this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
