You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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