I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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