found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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