i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
