he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
