you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
