college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize