Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
