i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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