you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
