Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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