I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
my poor anus
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
