I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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