I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize