you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
My pussy is not your playground.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
