I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
40s are totally the cure
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize