I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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