I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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