it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
