Got a toothbrush?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Randomize
