I'm so fucking centered right now
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Your penis caused this!
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
