Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
