you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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