his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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