Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
