Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
