There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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