I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
