God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
this beer tastes like vomit already
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
