Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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