Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
