dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
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