Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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