wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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