It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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