I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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