batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
pop tarts are not kleenex
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
