also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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