Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I am naked and annoyed.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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