It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
he quoted the bible to break up with me
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
