my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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