FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
