Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
