If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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