your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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