Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
