Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
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