im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
