Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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