last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
