when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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