I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
