Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
