I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
