I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
