I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
