no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
