Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
