When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
