this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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