he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
