just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
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