i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
