I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
