dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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