sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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