Buhtt sex?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
