He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
operation have a gay friend backfired
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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