the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize