Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
