I accidentally burped into my bong.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Randomize
