Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
