I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
