is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
