So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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