Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize
