My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Ketchup is God's man juice
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize