Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
