During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Randomize
