Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
