so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
