Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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