A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
