Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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