then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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